Sometimes Mothers Day is Hard

 

MOTHERS DAY - 
SOMETIMES IT'S NOT HAPPY

Reality - 

some moms struggle to be moms.

Reality - 

not all moms and their children figure it out in time.

Reality - 

sometimes when you struggle -  

and you just grow apart.

Reality - 

love sometimes can't forge that gap although you both try

 really, really hard.

Just putting it out there.  

I am thankful I had a mom and I DO miss her 

(she passed too soon at 47 in 1989) - 

but we struggled from day one 

to figure one another out. 

We ran out of time to get it right 

along the way.  

I do miss her - 

but it wasn't easy with us. 

It was more thorns 

than it was sweet roses. 

For my husband - 

the same - 

and his mom is still with us. 

It breaks my heart to see 

their dis-connect in real time.

It makes it hard on us both when Mother's Day rolls around.

Today, while running errands

We bought a forever orchid

Hubby wanted to add balloons.

 These gifts are 

to honor his mother

The orchid is meant as a symbol

of forever thankfulness. 

I am very thankful 

My husband's mom had him

I will honor her -

Even when she chooses 

to be silent

Even when she chooses 

to be distant

Even when she chooses

 to not 'see' her son

Even when she's not always

Kind or nice.

I had a friend remind me recently...

We need to always strive 

to be doing better 

and love harder 

than how we are treated!

Even when our hearts hurt

Even when we aren't seen

Yes, sometimes 

Mother's day is just hard

especially when relationships 

aren't healed or nutured.

Honor your Mother -

to the best of your ability

Honor her 

 for your life, 

for your spouses life.

Love her -

Even if she can't show

Her love for you!

Happy Mother's Day to YOU!

Be Blessed!

©DarleneBl 2024

When the Dust Settles

When The Dust Settles

We have been recovering from

fixing our foundation issues.

Before the workers arrived

We spent several days removing

Sorting, storing and covering.

What wasn't moved -

We covered with tarps.

Looks like it would work, right?

Covering what you want protected

Covering what you don't want dusty.

Yesterday,  I removed the tarps.

I rolled them from the bottom up.

I was amazed how they were so full of dust.

Under the tarps - although not as thick

There was still a thin layer covering everything!

We thought it was a good process 

Dust still filtered through!

 I took the tarps outside and rinsed them

I found both sides were covered in dust

Both sides needed cleaned

Which was more work!

As I was working - 

I thought about what happens -

"after the dust settles"

When things calm down

When stress is less

When you can breath a sigh of relief.

As the tarps showed me

There will still be some dust

That sneaks through

That will need extra cleaning.

Life experiences 

are similar

You have a relationship fail

There is dust that is still left behind

Maybe the brokenness is healed

However, 

Fragments of memories still remain

 

Losing a friend or family member

There is dust that is left behind

The loss is slowly less painful

Fragments of memories still remain.

 Sometimes, when we wait to do 

something we want 

or need to do

We will say we will do it

'When the dust settles"

 

I'll call you - 

when the dust settles'

I'll see you -  

when the dust settles

I'll make that huge change -

 - when the dust settles

 

The problem with this thought process

Is you are only procrastinating!

Does the dust really ever

completely 'settle'?

 

Procrastination:

Delaying facing something

Delaying facing what scares you

Delaying having that confrontation

Delaying the hard stuff

 

Dust is sometimes 

so fine that you can't see the single grains

 it takes

 multiple grains 

to really see the dust

 

Healing is the same way.

It takes multiple approaches

It takes some 

cleansing as well.

 

Whatever is happening 

In your world...

Let the dust settle -

Because we all need

 a short pause

 

Don't stay

In procrastination 

Mode!

 

Clean it up

 Wipe it out

 Definitively 

Move on!!

 In reality:

The dust never

Completely 

'Settles'!

 

Be blessed!

DarleneBl

Grief Matters

GRIEF MATTERS!

 Grief is something I know everyone goes through.

If you are alive,

there is going to be at time

that loss will come.

 

Friends, family, friends of family, etc.

Grief isn't always about a death,

a leaving of this earth.

Grief can also come when relationships fade -

both in families and friendships

 

I am not new to losing loved ones,

as I am sure you are not as well!

 

A dear friend told me today

that she had to learn through the years,

People want to be HEARD

People want to be SEEN

They usually don't want you to tell them your story

when they are telling you theirs!

 

That gave me a moment of pause.

I wasn't really heard growing up.

My mom didn't know quite how to supply

that deep need in me.

We didn't really communicate.

She communicated 'at' me –

but didn't really communicate ‘with’ me.

I then found in my husband

someone

who was always saying

 'let's talk this out'

We passed that along in our parenting

When raising our son.

 

We tried to talk about what was going on

It is just how we worked things out!

 

I didn't realize until recently -

that is my approach

even when friends

need to just be HEARD and SEEN

 

They did not need –

Nor even want

My ‘let’s talk about it’ or

or my solutions offered in an attempt to 'fix'

whatever is going on in their lives.

 

 My dear Aunt was a person that I could talk to

about anything.

She knew me from a wee bean

when my mom was pregnant with me

at her wedding, 😊

 

And she was always there

no matter what

until my 59th year

She 'knew me' and 'saw me'.

She was like the mom

that I had always craved

 

Aunts are special in their own way!!

Zero disrespect to my own mom -

it was just different

& special with my aunt.

 

My aunt was just a constant in my life

She 'got me' like my mom never could.

and most of all....

she knew OF my life.

 

She had lived it either alongside me as my Aunt,

 Or in letters, phone calls,

and especially during our EPIC in person gab sessions!!

 

We bounced back and forth with one another

when life hit and we talked about it

and shared experiences

to show we related one to the other.

It was our ‘love language’

 

Since her passing last October,

I have had grief hit me in waves.

I have gone several days or weeks

without thinking about her.

 

My dear friend mentioned tonight while we were talking

that she had insight to share.

She said I was grieving.

It isn't just about my aunt not being on THIS earth

any longer and far from the normal,

there is just life stuff I am grieving as well.

 

 Grief can be so very sneaky –

I didn't realize I was in a grief process

Until it was spoken out loud!

Grief can also be a ‘smack you down'

kind of thing as well –

You see it coming and recognize it for what it is.

 

 

When you lost your spouse – it mattered to you – it broke your heart

When you had to start over again – it mattered to you – it broke your heart

When the friendship faded to nothing – it mattered to you – it broke your heart

When a family member cut you out – it mattered to you – it broke your heart

When your friend left this great green earth – it mattered to you – it broke your heart

When you lost your child – it mattered to you – it broke your heart

When you lost your parent - it mattered to you - it broke your heart

Grief comes in different forms –

there is no rhyme or reason to it’s timing -

Grief Matters!!

Grief breaks your heart!

 

 As I walk this walk –

Holding the hand of grief

I am reminded:

 

Memories will be even more special

The loss won’t be for forever –

I believe in the eternal ever after.

I believe our God is with us along the way.

God is also holding tightly to us as we grieve –

He catches our tears

He heals our hearts

 

Healing will eventually happen,

Grief will still visit here and there –

 

A smell

A thought

A memory

A place

An object

A song

A movie

 

On and on – grief will continue to show up.

 

 

 Grief will fade eventually

Our broken hearts will eventually mend

We will never be quite the same!

 

A broken plate isn’t the same after being broken either.

Shards will not fit right ever again –

There will be gaps where it was once whole

Glue can mend the plate

Just as healing can heal our hearts

We are never quite 100% the same either.

We build a beautiful mosaic from our Grief

 

 

Grief is there

for a season or two

Grief is the process that we handle life with

Grief is important!

 

So, as I have my own moments of Grief

I will be there for you as well

I will try and not offer a story

to share against yours

I will try and ‘see’ you

I will stand beside you when you have to say goodbye

I will give the hug

when you just can’t hold it in any more

I will ‘see’ you

I will support you

 

 

Why?

Because I too have loved and lost

Because I truly do understand

Because I love you as a friend

 

Most of all?

 

Because

 

GRIEF MATTERS!!!

Be Blessed! DarleneBl 

 balancinglifethejourney@gmail.com

©2024