The Back Pack

The Back Pack

I love going hiking!  When I pack for a trip - 
I know that I carry more items than I will need or use - 
but I want to be prepared for anything!

You know, I was thinking about that the other day.

Have you ever thought how you carry your own

personal Back Pack?

I mean the back pack you strap on and 
never really take off for long periods of time.

The pack that is full of your past hurts, 
past insecurities, 
your past desires that were never fulfilled.

The pack that is full of the stuff 
you should be letting go of - 
but you keep carrying it anyway.

What about someone else's back pack?

Is theirs lighter than yours?

Are their hurts less hurtful?

Are their insecurities less than yours?

Do they also carry their past wherever they go?

I had a real view of this when I watched a skit 
performed at a Ladies retreat.

It started with a lady coming down the isle with her children and the narrator was speaking her thoughts.

She was focused on the children, 
and looking around and thinking thoughts 
that had nothing to do with worship 
or why she was there.

Then, she was thinking 
that she'd like to be other 
people in her congregation.

In doing so, God showed her 
their specific burdens.

She realized that even though 
we all put on a great outside front, 
everyone is dealing with something!

It might not be the same as our own 

However, 
it's still a heavy load for them.

A back pack is a symbol of all those emotions.  

It gets heavier the longer we carry it.

It gets harder to go forward 
because we're so heavily weighed down.

I laughed when Julia Roberts fell backwards 
in 'Runaway Bride'.
The scene when her boyfriend 
put her hiking back pack on. 

It was packed way too heavy 
for her to handle 

and it took her down fast!

I know in life, we try to be kind.

Some days though - 
our own burdens challenge us.

They start to change us - 

to weigh us down - 

they have a tendency some days 

to totally knock us off our feet!

Sometimes talking to a close friend 
in a similar place 
releases some of the burden.

Sometimes writing it down in a journal 
will purge 

it for a moment 
out of your mind.

When you are in the dark period - 

you want a lighter load.

You want to lay your burden down -

and leave it there forever.

But when you get socked again by emotions, 
or situations 
you end up stuffing it 
further down 
and then

you pick that pack back up 
and strap it on.

You become the hurt person 

You become the angry person

 You become who you don't like very much!

It filters into your friendships,

your relationships, 
your work place.

So what is the solution?

Everyone has a different approach.

Some go off alone and sort it all out.

Some talk to someone who truly listens to them.

Others can't figure it out -

So they keep their backpack on.

I guess in it all - 

we all are battling 
something.
Many times though
we don't feel safe
to share our deepest
fears, hurts, secrets.

I am working on 
leaving my backpack off my back.

It makes me tired.

It makes me have to be stronger 
than I feel that I am.

So, if you meet someone who's still 
weighed down by their personal back pack...

just be kind!
Help them carry their burden
if you can!

Hibernation

Hibernation

Darkness in the heart colored my soul for a season

Wrestling the battle within to try and find its reason.

A season for letting my heart feel such darkness and pain

                Knowing that all I needed was to find a cleansing rain.

Stepping outside today, I heard the birds with their chirping sing-song

                I allowed my inner darkness to break apart until it was completely gone.

I felt my own song starting to form – I sang it out strong and with delight

                Walking out of the darkness – all at once I was filled with a pure blinding light.

What we cannot control will bring us down deep - to the depths of despair

                When we realize the truth – keeping a tight hold is not the way to repair.

Letting go of the darkness, the worry, the pain that begins to grow inside

                The light that comes in to take over and joy remembers where it used to reside.

We need to come out of hibernation; out of the deep darkness we held oh so tight

                To wake with joy; to remember to see every day with its pure healing light.

Break free today from your personal hibernation and walk without a heavy heart

                Purge the darkness from your soul and let the light never again depart.

Seek love, joy and a thankful heart – allow your heart to beat with joy once again

                Find your cleansing rain – whatever that may be so light can erase every pain.

It's Too Late

It’s Too Late

As memories flood my mind, I had buried them deep 

down inside where they belong 

                You decided to reach out after all this time – 

but why did you wait so long?

It’s too late to tell me that you've been thinking of me, 

that I've been on your mind all along,

It’s too late to let me know that you've finally given up 

the person I said never did belong.

It's too late to wish our friendship didn't end the way it did – 

why didn't you try so long ago?

                It’s too late to cover the time that has passed 

and the pain that I felt when you let me go -

It’s too late to tell me that you should have listened to me, 

that I could have said ‘I told you so’.

                It’s too late to share that I had been right all along, 

that you shouldn't have let me go.  

It’s too late to want me to contact you and 

resume things 

as if nothing had hurt me to the core

                It’s too late to go back to what you 

and I used to know, 

that relationship is no more.

As memories flood my mind that I thought were 

fully laid to rest, 

the images that float by still

                Although you reached out, 

I realize that nothing has changed, 

and I doubt it ever will.

Where were you when I needed to pour out my heart and needed your shoulder to cry on,

My shoulder was always available for you – 

no matter how many times it was leaned upon.

Where were you when I needed to talk to you late into the darkened night?

                My ears were always available for you – 

even if it was until the early morning light.

Where were you when I needed you to make the first move, 

to actually ‘show up’ up for me –

                My feet were always taking me to your doorstep – I always went in person you see…

I realized after I walked away, it was too late for you and me - 

the many times you weren't there -

                Too many times you have let me down – 

too many times you simply were unaware.

It’s too late to pick up the broken pieces that I mended –

 piece by piece - all on my own,

                It’s too late for you to come in now and say 

that all we didn't say was overblown.

It’s too late to go backwards as well as forwards because 

there is no evidence of sorrow -

                I experienced so much during the time you were gone and 

I can’t create a new tomorrow.

It’s too late to want me back in your world again –

 to be the person you rely on time and again,

                I no longer want to pour myself out to the point of feeling 

so bereft and full of pain.

I wish you well in the life you choose going forward – 

Even though I won’t be there to see it unfold,

                It’s too late to find a place for me in your world – 

I really am doing better than I originally told.

I was able to mend the broken pieces of my heart –

 there are still cracks the light shines through,

                It’s too late to be back in your world in any way – 

those cracks will do just fine it’s true.

It’s too late – to change the past – 

to create a new beginning 

with your world mixed with mine,

                It’s too late to wonder 

what might have been – 

letting go is right – 

it’s finally time.

America Land of the Free?

 Back in 1999 -

I wrote a poem while in vacationing in 

 Albuquerque, NM.

I don't remember what the reason was 

I just know that as I sat at her table -

the words just flowed out.

That is usually how my poetry comes to me.

A thought, a sight, a story

and words come out from it.

Today - even in 2017

Eighteen years later...

I looked back on it after 

I read my niece stating that the state of the

world was making her so heavy hearted.

So, I looked it up again.

I realized how it could seem that

I wrote it today.

We are still fighting one another about race

We are still fighting one another about hope

We are still fighting one another about Government

We are still forgetting the soldier who gave us the right

To protest

To complain

To think we're right

 To even stand up and speak.

We are still not giving our children hope 

Our parents are still not able to cope.

What will it take for America to be the great

land that it used to be?

I think -

each person needs to be that change!

AMERICA, LAND OF THE FREE?

©1999 DarleneBl

America, land of the free?

I ask, how can this be?

We first see the color of skin,

Before examining the person within.

We fail to respect our land,

Even when it is in God's own hand.

Our children are unable to cope,

Our parents feel there is no hope.

We see the world with a dimly lit light,

Failing to understand each person's plight.

We have hidden from God's wonderful grace,

If we stop to listen, 

We will find that it still has a place.

Let us gather together once again,

For we ALL have so much to gain!!

America, Land of the Free?

It can be, with help from you and me!

When The Past Calls

My past didn't actually call yesterday - 

it came knocking in a text.

I say 'the past' because it's been 2 years since I've seen this 

'friend'.

It was a long time friendship that was full of drama -

and the toxic levels weren't understood

until the ties were gone and I stood alone reflecting.

 

I've also grown during this time.

I'm the same 

and yet I'm not who she used to know.

I realized that my caring nature put me there -

my caring nature also made me stay 

for way too long.

You know when you meet someone that you 'connect' with and it all seems good - 

but as time wears on, 

you realize it's a 80/10 percent effort relationship - 

and you're putting in the 80% or more?  

That was the old me.

I took care of her and our friendship 
I made sure that when I saw danger -
I warned her. 
Time and again she didn't listen.
Time and again she went off the cliff -
who rescued her? 
I did.

My hubby and I dropped everything
many times.

When my world was dark 
and I needed someone to turn on the light
she either wasn't there
or I wasn't a priority.

This became a pattern. 
Eventually it was too much in the last cliff hanger.
I couldn't do it anymore.

At first when things went south - 

it wasn't even a fight with my friend - 

it was with a family member of hers.

 

That day I walked away though -

I waited.

I waited for a phone call.

I waited for a text message.

I waited for an email.

I waited for a Facebook message.

I waited for a knock on my door.

Eventually....I stopped waiting.

I knew the 'sorry' was never going to come.

I knew that 'closure' wasn't going to come.

I knew I'd never hear the knock on my door.

That took an act of responsibility -

that was never going to be acted upon.

Let Them Go!

Why did I wait so long?

I wanted the person to make the choice to contact me 

first.

I'd done all the contacting and work for so long,

I figured it was due time for the other party 

to make their move 

first. 

That move never came.

Then the 'I miss you' & 'You've been on my mind'

text comes -
 2 years later.
Two years too late.

I'm not that person anymore.

The person you broke - grew strong in your absence.

The person you hurt - healed.

The person you 'miss' isn't here anymore. 

You don't miss ME

You miss what I did for you.

So, when the past comes calling - 

depending on your situation -

you might do what I did.

Don't answer. 

It really has nothing new to say.

You no longer are the person they are seeking.

You are strong enough to say NO!

Delete the message 

Block the access

Purge the drama

Walk away with your head held high!

Life is Beautiful

I don't care what anyone says - 

Life is Beautiful!

Yes, we are going to have struggles -

Yes, we are going to have heart ache - 

Yes, we are going to have strife -

Yes, we are going to have disappointments.

And yet, through it all -

we'll have a beautiful life.

The first snow fall of the season - 

pristine white all around - softly falling to the ground.

The first time you see your newborn child -

checking to ensure there are ten toes and ten fingers, 

that all is right with your new creation.

The long hugs with your significant other - 

that healing feeling that you will be safe after all.

The first peek at Spring flowers -

just coming awake after their winter hiatus.

The first smell of coffee in the morning - 

knowledge that you are going to be able to face the day.

These things are just a few of the moments that can make or break your momentum for a beautiful life.

Yes, I know that it's not always this simple.

Life is going to throw hard ball situations at you.

You will love and you'll have to say goodbye.

You will laugh - and you will eventually cry.

You will soar - and one day you'll come crashing down.

You will write or sing - and realize you have no audience.

You will give all you have - and still feel empty.

You will struggle and you will feel defeated.

I am talking about living in the moment.

I am talking about enjoying the ride.

When life literally knocks the breath out of you - 

yes, take a moment to recover.

What I mean is - yes, you're hit - 

Get back up again.

Get out there and play the game again.

Get going and take another chance.

Get the mentality that you won't fall so fast next time.

This life we live isn't meant to just be suffered through.

This life we live is meant to be a 'curtain call'.

Love and live.

Try and succeed.

Laugh and cry

and most of all remember:

LIFE IS BEAUTIFUL <3